Review: 5D
A rare entry from Russia delivers morally questionable yet undeniably effective flavours
In these dark times we’re all likely wondering if this is all there is. A world that rewards psychopaths generously and concentrates power in the hands of a few boys playing with their toys. We don’t like to be reminded that our lives are literally in the hands of an intellectually disabled man-child and a pensioner with a steroid addiction. The news, if you can still stomach it, is wall-to-wall death, rising temperatures and thin orange coloured somebodies who did a thing of no consequence with another person history will forget somewhere warmer than your miserable patch on this decaying planet.
It was therefore good to happen upon a snack that is truly multidimensional, that not only makes use of the fourth dimension of time, but pushes salt-snack limits even further by occupying the fifth, a hitherto closely guarded secret by scientists, which I can reveal is crunchiness.
A chargrilled hammer blow is delivered on a delicate wheat pillow. If the dark evenings, flooding, fires and genocides are getting you down, just pop one of these supportive meat-flavour capsules into your mouth and melt away through time into crunchiness.
Confusion exists why two juicy lamb chops are, I’m reliably told, labelled as “steak” and garnished with a sprig of Christmas tree, but don’t let that detract from the exciting meatiness that shatters as you bite into these ribbed wonders. Whilst these Чипсы may be helping to fund a craven and vindictive invasion/slaughter of a peaceful state, they are moreish.
Should you find yourself West of the Urals, I can’t recommend these crisps enough. Although, if you are, you’re probably in some trouble and likely don’t have long left to enjoy them. Na zdorovye!