Beans, Bricks & Blow‑Dries
It's when you've been away you can often see most clearly what you return to. Well, I'm back and it's suddenly obvious what creeping futureshock awaits. Our towns and cities are undergoing an imperceptible oleaginous process of agglomeration that's feeding our caffeine addicted property-style envy. I don't like to make waves, but I think it's important someone says something.
I've gathered the data and undertaken ruthless analysis (see below)—the patterns are clear: unless we awake from our collective slumber, in 20 to 30 years every high street in Britain is going to consist of just one giant estate-agent-coffee-shop-hairdresser.
Other shops and services will not be permitted in this future. There will only be one door in each town centre which upon entering you will choose the ever-so bigger house you know you can only just possibly afford whilst drinking a vanilla late and having your roots looked at. Tough luck if you need a key cut, a pint of milk or already own a house. These property-follicle-bean merchants will soon become all-powerful city-space overlords that need feeding with your time, attention and most importantly, cash.
Maybe I am being radical; judgemental. Capitalism is merely dispassionately catering to our needs and desires. After all, now we can't afford to go to the pub, what else is to do save buy coffee, yearn for a better home or preen? Soon, you can do all of this, and only this, from the comfort of one handily placed building. That’s progress. Imagine settling into that chair as your fringe is trimmed warmly in the knowledge that as you sip that second cappuccino your new mortgage is being processed.